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Monday, October 10, 2011

Junk in the Trunk

We were driving through Lexington the other day and I saw an amazing and comical sight.  Now, understand that I'm a little old-fashioned, and my daughter is quick to inform me that fashionista! I am not!! LOL 

A young man was standing alongside the road, with pants slung so low they were about to fall off...hanging only by a, well... small protrusion up front!!

All I could think was, "That poor kid has no butt!!"

Granted, you'd think I'd have more to dwell on these days, what with school and quilts and working out and my Mary Kay business and what not...But today, as we are doing reverse curls in aerobics...

(And just by the way, WHO decided that lifting your rump off the floor was a good way to build abdominal muscles!?!  Don't they know it's made for sitting on!? Don't they know the force of gravity is stronger than our ability to rock the thing all the way off the floor multiple times when lying on our back!?!)

And I'm thinking, "At least I've got some butt to lift!"
You know that there are foundation garments out there (remember I was shopping for foundation garments a couple of weeks ago!) that actually build up a woman's posterier end?

But I've never, no never! seen such a product for a man.
Shouldn't he have a little something back there as well!?!  I mean, seriously! Wasn't Glutimus Maximus the name of Russell Crowe's character in The Gladiator!!?!!  He doesn't need a thing to improve the view!

I can remember some of the older generation talking about "Coal Miner Pants."  When I inquired, I learned it meant he had "slack" in his drawers.  No rear. No caboose.

Back in the olden days, when I was about 19 years old, I got down to 125 lbs -- skin and bone for this 5'6" girl.  My collar bones stuck out weirdly, my arms looked all twiggy, and I can remember my momma telling me I was too skinny and had no butt.  I soon got over the boy who made me sad and I retrieved my backside glory!!

My family has always been blessed with full posterior ends. Male and female -- no flat rears, no saggy britches, no pockets without something to fill them.  They've always told me I look good from the backside...but that might mean I look better going than coming.   Hmmmmm....

I'm pretty sure God has no preference for flat or rounds ones, since He made them all.  Proof positive, however, that He has a sense of humor, with all the variety in shapes and sizes.  I'm pretty sure, though, He wouldn't mind if the saggy britches were pulled up a bit.  I don't need to see the hook those pants are hanging on.  Just sayin'....

And He would have this to say, from Isaiah 52:12 (NIV):
"But you will not leave in haste
or go in flight;
for the LORD will go before you,
the God of Israel will be your rear guard."

:-D
Think I better get off my rear and get some work done.  Or maybe get ON my rear and get some quilting done.  That sampler isn't gonna quilt itself, now is it!?

Blessings,

9 comments:

Mrs.Rabe said...

We say that those without a 'behind' have "unleavened buns!" ha ha ha

angiejmq said...

While we shouldn't question the Lord's wisdom, I have often wondered why he didn't disperse the rear end weight a bit more evenly among His creation--I have long lamented the fact that I am "doubly blessed". I'd share if I could. Beautiful sampler quilt by the way. :)

Pat said...

Your sampler is gorgeous and your post.....hysterical! Great use of the verse, too

Patty Sumner said...

Now that is about the most creative use of scritpure I have heard in awhile....lol

Lindah said...

You are so funny! And your quilt is so beautiful!

Sarah Craig said...

I saw a kid the other day walking around with his pants buckled UNDER his ample butt! Thankfully, he did have on some nicely patterned underwear...... What are kids thinking these days??? Funny post - I enjoyed reading it, as always! Your quilt is lovely....

Shelley said...

LOL! I married what we call "snakehips"...meaning a guy with no junk in the trunk. I, on the other hand, have a generous trunk which both my boys inherited ;) Thanks for the laughs!

QuiltSue said...

I've got some to spare as well, what a shame I can't work out how to share it with someone (or even several someones).

Natasha said...

Can you tell me about the hoop you use? What size is the hoop?